Levi's Birth Story

I've known for awhile that I need to write out Levi's birth story, but let me tell you what. Life with an infant is so very all consuming that sometimes it takes ALL DAY to even find time to pee. Which I'm not complaining about- I love love love taking care of my baby all day. But it amazes me how really difficult it is to get to even the smallest things that don't pertain to his care.

Anyway- flash back to almost exactly one month ago.

Because of my preeclampsia, we realized about week 30 that I might be induced early. My blood pressure was consistently very high, there was protein in my urine, my pulse was consistently about 100 bpm, and my body was in distress generally, above and beyond being pregnant. It's almost like I was having a prolonged allergic reaction to pregnancy and the only way it would be relieved would be to give birth. Dr. Williams really wanted to get to at least 37 weeks to give the baby enough time to develop, but we knew I probably wouldn't make it much past that. From week 33-37 I was going to the hospital every other day to have non-stress test performed, where they would hook me up to a fetal heart rate monitor, and monitor my blood pressure, urine protein and liver enzymes with blood and urine testing. Each one of these took several hours and the results were always the same- high blood pressure and increasing protein in the urine. The first NST I went in for was a bit traumatic for me, being admitted to a hospital and hooked up to all of these monitors and all these cords and what not. But over time, I came to look forward to it, because once I checked in I could just lie on the comfortable bed and relax for a few hours.

At my week 36 visit Dr. Williams said "We're going to induce you next week. Come in at the beginning of the week for an NST and we'll go from there". So we knew that we'd be having a baby in the next week, just not when. That Monday was the much anticipated day to find out when we'd be having the baby. I went in in the morning, and after about 4 hours and all the results of the blood, urine and monitoring being reported to Dr. Williams he said, "Come in Wednesday night at 7pm and we'll induce you". Finally, an end in sight! I called my husband and Mother in law who was waiting to find out when to come stay with us. Then I sent a text to family members and one specifically to my mom- "Mom, just wanted to let you know that we'll be induced Wednesday night so we'll probably have a baby on Thursday! :)" She had been very attentive to the goings on of the pregnancy and was anxious to know when he would come. I had just talked to her that previous Friday about how I was nervous about labor and delivery. She was so eager for me to hold him in my arms and feel the overwhelming love that comes from having your first child.

Monday evening the bad news about mom began to develop. First a text from Bessie, Lisa's daughter in law, asking if I had heard from my mom today. I realized she never replied to my text about being induced and thought that was kind of strange. And things went down hill from there. About 6:30pm I came to know that my mother had passed away that day about noon. I hope to write about this more in another post soon, but I can't really describe to you how your world stops when you get a phone call telling you your mother is gone. Or the agony of having to call family and listen to them literally sob over the phone.  And having to break the news over and over and over again. The hours of phone calls and the rush of decisions. The need to keep it together to take care of business. The disbelief. The way my husband stayed by my side the whole time and felt somewhat helpless to do anything as I made call after call. Trying to figure out who needed to know and how to tell them and be strong for them as they received this terrible news. The hardest calls were to my brothers, and to my grandmother.

I realized that the distress I was under, with the added need to possibly travel to Missouri soon for a funeral meant that the sooner we had Levi, the better. I called the hospital to see if we could move the induction up 1 day for a family emergency. Dr. Williams asked to have me come in for another NST in the morning and we would go from there. So with very mixed emotions, we packed our bags in the morning and headed to the hospital. The NST was routine other than they were very busy that day and we had to wait before even being put in a room.

About 2pm, after the blood tests, urine sample and blood pressure monitoring results were in, Dr. Williams sent orders to start the induction. I thought the first thing that would happen would be a drug to ripen the cervix, but I guess I was already dilated to a 2 and had a favorable cervix so they started immediately on Pitocin. I asked if we could start with the lowest dose and work up because I heard that contractions can come on hard and heavy with Pitocin. They said it would take about 2 hours for it to take effect or feel anything, and I thought that was enough ramp up time.

Sure enough, come 4pm I started feeling contractions. Previously I was having contractions and couldn't feel them so wasn't really sure how to identify what they were. But then they started to feel like menstrual cramps, which in a way was comforting. I thought, "I've dealt with this before, I can do this". The nurse said they'd be in every hour to check to see how dilated I was and that I'd receive my epidural once I was dilated to a 5.

Side note- before all the stress of preeclampsia, I was pretty undecided about the whole pain meds vs. natural child birth debate. I kind of wanted to be all natural, simply because I was nervous about a needle in my back and my previous experiences with anesthesia were not great. But with the great duress my body was under, Dr. Williams thought it would be best to do an epidural because a) it lowers blood pressure so that I would be able to push and have a vaginal birth rather than a c-section and b) I was already under a lot of stress and he worried about adding more. So I just anticipated that I would have a relatively pain-free child birth and I would tackle that whole super-woman all natural birth with the next child. Ha. Little did I know.

I started having contractions around 4pm and around 5pm they came in to check me for the first time and I had dilated to a 3. Good, I though, things are moving along. And I was feeling it more. I started to understand how this could be painful, much more than PMS. At  6pm I was hoping I was at a 5 so we could get the epidural under way and I could relax, but much to my dismay I was at a 3.5. Oh no, I thought. Does this mean I'm going to be laboring for 18 hours?! This does not bode well.

Again, in another hour  I was only at a 3.5, but it was hurting. I really had to concentrate to get through the contractions and hold on to my husband's hand for dear life. I was really discouraged that I wasn't progressing, especially since it was hurting so much. I asked if there was any other pain medication they could use and they administered something in the IV that helped to take the edge of the contractions. It helped, but also made me dizzy, and I ended up throwing up all over the bed. Oh, I forgot to mention that at about 4pm Dr. Williams came in to break my water and after that it seemed like there was water and fluid all over all the time. I had to ask the nurses to come in and change my pads several times and I just kept thinking, wow there's a lot of liquid in there. I also had to get up and pee several times and that was an ordeal because I was connected to about a million machines and IVs. Basically, I lost all my dignity as my body fluids went all over the place and realized it wasn't going to get any better.

Around 7pm no one had come in to check me yet and I was in some serious pain again. Michael went to ask if they could come check me and if they could start the epidural. About 7:30 they checked me again and I was at a 4.5. Oh come on! Just give me the effin epidural already! I felt like I was in serious serious labor! They asked if I wanted more of the other IV pain med and I thought, anything that will help. So they did, but it wore off quicker this time and helped less.

Around 8pm I thought I was going to lose my mind from the pain of the contractions. I was ready to tell that nurse if she didn't order an epidural that I was going to rip her head off. The contractions were fast and intense and hurt. Now I know. I squeezed the life out of my husband's hand and arm. They hurt!!!! I remember wanting to cry and just say, I give up, I can't do this right now, I need a break. But there is no turning back and I knew that. At 8:30pm they checked me again and I was at an 8. "SEE!!" I wanted to scream, "I was serious!! I am in serious pain!!"

Finally!!!  Now order the gosh freaking dang epidural!! Much to my relief, she said the anesthesiologist was on his way and just had to stop by one other room before coming to mine and he should be there in 15-20 minutes. Ok, 15-20minutes, I can do that. Eye on the prize.

Let me tell you about lying to a pregnant woman who is in the midst of full labor about getting pain relief sooner than she actually will . I think there might be a special place in hell for that. Now to be totally fair, I know she had no control over the situation and she was doing the best she could. But let me tell you what. That anesthesiologist was not there in 10-15 minutes. And I was asking about every 30 seconds where he was. Bless her soul, she kept saying things like, "he's right around the corner", "he's just down the hall", etc. etc. This went on for an hour and a half. AN HOUR AND A HALF OF LABOR WHILE I WAS ALREADY AT AN 8!!!! Stop lying to me woman! I'm about to get off this bed and go and get him myself! How hard is it to walk down the hall! Stick the needle in my back already!!!

Then, probably at the worst moment of my life, a dear friend showed up to try and be supportive. I love her dearly and am so grateful she was willing to be there in my moment of greatest need. But let me just say this: no one should ever pop in to the middle of child birth without expecting to feel part of the wrath of an unreasonable and nearly unsound woman in the midst of labor. I remember every word she spoke in my mind thinking "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I was completely and totally unreasonably enraged. But all in all it might have been a good thing because her presence forced me to be civil when all I wanted to do was swear at the staff about the anesthesiologist not being there yet. I desperately asked my husband if he would ask her to leave after about an hour, which she kindly did. And finally, about 10pm, they check me again right as the "needle man" shows up. I'm at a 10.

To add insult to injury, this guy was from Wayne County. I can't tell you how I can't go anywhere in Utah or the US in general without my husband and strangers  playing, "Who do you know in Wayne County?". Something about small town people. They just seem to know and be known by everyone who has ever passed through their town. Well, needle man starts small talking with my husband about Bicknell. In my mind I'm screaming, "STICK THE NEEDLE IN MY BACK!! DO IT RIGHT NOW YOU IDIOT!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!". Of course my ever tactful husband was concise in his answers and directed the conversation toward needle man's job as much as possible. To my horror he says, "we can't do an epidural now, we don't have time. But I'll give you a spinal tap and that should take about 4 or 5 minutes to start working." First of all I was thinking, "It's your fault that we don't have time for an epidural, I've been miserable in here unwillingly enduring natural child birth you jerk!!" But I was too exhausted to have much energy left to do anything but say ok just give me whatever you've got.

And praise the Lord that spinal tap was the best thing that ever happened to me. It seemed like about the longest 4-5 minutes of my life while it took effect and I had to endure those last few contractions, but oh the sweet numbing power. My legs went numb almost immediately, and soon I couldn't feel anything. Finally. I felt sanity begin to return to my mind and the rage begin to subside. Lots of people were coming into the room now and they were changing the bed and turning on the high-powered headlights lights on my nether parts. I remember thinking that the nurse seemed a little bit distressed because she had called Dr. Williams and he wasn't there yet. It seemed like things were progressing quickly and I could tell she was worried the baby might come before he arrived. But Dr. Williams stepped in about 10:20pm and almost as soon as the spinal tap had taken effect, the nurse said, "She's having a contraction right now" and Dr. Williams said, "Ok, push!"

Who knows what I was really doing when he said  push. I heard someone say it was like the pushing for a bowel movement so I did that the best I could without being able to feel anything or knowing what my body was doing. But I must have done something right because Dr. Williams said "Good job" after about 3-4 pushes. He said "I'm not going to have to teach you how to push, seems like you know how to do that already.". I said, "Someone said it was like using the bathroom and I've done that plenty." I remembered he laughed and I felt proud of myself for being both funny and good at pushing. I am such a champ. :)

But only for a few seconds until the next contraction came and I was told to push again. My husband and the nurse had to hold up my legs because I had absolutely no feeling at all and no ability to move them either apparently. I kind of wish I could have seen what was happening during the pushing part because I couldn't feel anything and wasn't sure what was happening. I remember asking if he could see the head. Dr. Williams kept reaching in and feeling things and stretching the cervix. The next contraction came and I pushed all I could, and then rested for a moment. And then again, but this time Dr. Williams said, "Ok push really hard, as hard as you can". And I did. Then the head crowned apparently, but baby's heart beat was dropping after each contraction, so they got out the vacuum. Then after pushing through the next contraction with them using the vacuum, out came this little slimmy limber baby. 15 minutes of pushing (and pain relief) and he was here. Just like that. 6.5 hours of total labor, and 15 minutes of pushing.

I remember when he came out thinking, I can't believe that THAT was in my stomach. It was surreal. They waited a few minutes until the cord stopped pulsing to cut it. Michael had previously said that he didn't want to cut the cord, but I think after witnessing the birth, he realized it wasn't that big of a deal compared to everything he had seen earlier. He cut the cord, they wrapped him up and put him on my chest under my hospital gown. Wow, there's a baby here. My baby. Our baby. This was our son. It was so strange. I remember trying to get him warm and to calm down and he just snuggled right up. And I was just so relieved that it was all over it seemed like everything else paled in comparison to that sentiment.

Dr. Williams seemed very focused on something down there still and after a bit I gathered that I had torn quite a bit and he was stitching things up. I was sure glad that I couldn't feel any of that. So grateful. Baby and I cuddled for a long time and the world spun madly on around us. After a couple of hours they came in and weighed and measured. I was anxious to see how big this little guy was- 6 lbs 1 oz. Just a tiny little guy. Levi Chad Brinkerhoff.

And so it began. My life was forever changed for the better. A baby was born. A mother and a father were born. Glory be to God.

Welcome to our family little guy.