12 Days of Christmas, Goals, and Resolutions

*This blog was written in January 2015. My updates and evaluation of my progress is in red.

I read an article recently that had some click-bait title like "Why You Should Stop Setting Goals Now!" I hate click bait. It makes me feel like such a mindless drone to click on something just because someone suckered me into it. But this article was recommended by a friend that I respect as one that changed his life, so I read it. The gist of the article is that one-time goals don't make much of a difference, if there's not an ongoing, viable system in place that will help you actually achieve progress toward the goal. I agree with the article whole-heartedly, it doesn't do much good to have pie-in-the-sky goals that are completely untethered from reality- they need a realistic plan. But I don't think we should stop setting goals- even if they are sometimes unrealistic. I just think we need to set goals with a vision in mind, a way to break them down into small, realistic, manageable pieces, have accountability, and positive rewards along the way. And if we only get 85% of the way there, that's still progress right?

I've noticed lately that everyone is all Debbie-downer about New Year's resolutions because- pfff- no one keeps them anyway so why are we wasting our time? I mean look at all those silly people pretending like goal-setting is going to make any kind of a difference. Idiots.

There are so many New Years resolution haters out there!

Sometimes I think we spend so much time criticizing and rejecting things that are good because they are imperfect- but meanwhile we have nothing better to offer. Well, newsflash. No one is perfect and most things aren't perfect either! Resolutions fail. Technology fails. Vaccinations fail. But they create so much more good than bad in the process of getting better! So instead of making the best the enemy of the good, let's just take the good for what it's worth and roll with it? I say if New Year's resolutions gets you off the couch and to the gym, even if it's only for 2 weeks- that's two more weeks of working out than you would have done otherwise right? Right. Stepping off of soapbox.

Now back to the resolutions. At a not too distant time in my  life, I used to be a goal-making Nazii. Every week I made goals in every facet of my life- spiritual, physical, intellectual, professional, social- and would set small measurable goals that I would use graph paper to check off every day of each week. I had like 15 boxes to check every day, and I would weight and score them and give myself a weekly score. Seriously. I'm a nerd, I know. That's what a Quantitative Decision Making Analysis class at BYU will do to you.

Then at the end of the week I would evaluate, course correct, and do it again and chart my progress over time. I did this for years and it really helped me to stay focused on the daily areas of my life that I wanted to improve in. However, I also noticed that it was a little bit like staring down at my shoes every day. It kept me on task. But I very rarely came up for air and took inventory of the big changes that happened over time in my life. It was really good at keeping me trained on the necessary habits, but I also realized I needed a larger perspective and some stretch goals. I think that's something that New Year's resolutions do very well.

So I want to share with you, my friends, my goals for 2015, so I have some accountability and something to report back on at the end of the year.  This year I set goals in several areas of my life. I'll be sharing with you my Spiritual Goals, Physical Goals, and Mental Goals. And I would love to hear about ways you've made New Years goals work for you, and what systems you have in place to chart progress and improve areas in your life.

Monthly Spiritual Focuses for 2015:

This year for Christmas, I decided that to focus on Christ, I would do the 12 days of Christmas for Christ in the form of things I would improve or change about myself to come unto Christ. Except I decided to change the 12 days into 12 months- to actually make some progress, and focus on topic areas each month for the next year- 2015. Here's what I've go so far:

January- Daily Scripture Study. (at least 30 minutes of daily study, both topical and chronological), followed with a written talk about the subject of study at the end of the month. 

February- Better personal prayers. On my knees morning and night, having a conversation with the Lord about real things. And not right before or after bed. When I'm awake.

March- Sacrament meeting focus. Every week for sacrament meeting, I will prepare beforehand by thinking of the things the prior week I was trying to improve on, and setting new goals. I will open my heart to the power of the Atonement to change my life.

April- Anger management. Sometimes I get so dang flipping mad at companies that mess up, customer service people,  people at the DMV, or Verizon telling me why my bill is almost $200/month or the cable company, etc. I'm really going to try to focus hard on treating ALL people like someone I would see in church, and treating them like I would a friend- having patience and mercy rather than being angry. I'd really like to eliminate anger from my life. I will study about why Jesus says the Peacemakers are the children of God.

May- Temple attendance. I go to the temple every 3 weeks or so, but I'd really like focus my experience there more to search out the meaning of the endowment, and receive personal revelation. I'd also like to take the names of my own ancestors to the temple.

June- Service. Finding ways each day to listen to the Spirit and find someone to serve. Being more easy to entreat when asked to serve or go out of my way.

July-Service in the Kingdom. Finding more effective ways to serve in my calling- dedicating time each week to both Visiting Teaching and Relief Society presidency work.

August- Missionary Work. I will work to find a family or individuals who would be willing to have the missionary discussions. The field is ripe and there are plenty of people who need Christ. Focusing on and praying for missionary opportunities.

September- Family Prayer. Having more meaningful family prayer at times when we're not tired, and can pour our hearts out to the Lord.

October- Fasting. This will be a little tricky since our child is due to be born in July and I won't have been fasting for almost a year. But I'd really like to become better at having more focused purpose, study and prayer during fasting, and giving a more generous fast offering.

November- Gratitude- really focusing on the blessings that the Lord has blessed us with. Allowing ourselves to be deeply moved by all of the Good that God has brought into our lives.

December- Service. Allowing our gratitude for our blessings to motivate our family to serve others during the holiday season- to focus on service and not gifts.

 At the end of each month, I will evaluate my progress in that area- temple attendance, more sincere prayers, personal scripture study, fasting, etc., and write up the progress I see, put it in a small box and wrap it to put under the tree next year. I will also write a talk on each of the areas, and continue to try to retain the progress of that area into the next month. I will keep track or progress with my weekly inventory before church, and with our monthly goal inventory that Michael and I do at the beginning of each month. I might also post my talks on here for accountability.

So I did really well on these monthly focuses for about the first 5 months. Then I went into last trimester survival mode, had a baby, and my life was totally turned upside down. But surprisingly, just thinking through these areas last year in January did lead to significant progress.

I did substantially improve my anger management at customer service people, I had some really neat missionary experiences and did a lot of missionary discussion teaching in 2015. I focused more on the sacrament and Sabbath day, and we did really well with gratitude for Thanksgiving and service for December. 

This year I want to continue all these habits, but still want to work more on personal scripture study and prayer, family prayer, being better at fasting, and temple attendance.

Oh, and I didn't write talks at the end of each month or write down and wrap up my goals to put as presents under the tree. Nice idea, but just didn't happen. 

On to the other areas of goal making for 2015: Physical, Mental

I'm really excited for these ones because they are things I've been intending to do for some time, and putting them in a goal format makes me feel so much better when I accomplish them.

Physical- for me physical isn't just about taking care of my body and health. It's also about taking care of my physical surroundings. Something I've struggled with since getting married is knowing how to keep the house clean all the time! I've always prided myself on being a clean person, but I've only ever had to take care of a room.... Never a house. Turns out there's a little more involved. Every day dishes, cooking, cleaning, sweeping, dusting, laundry. EVERY. DAY. And that's not even considered cleaning. That's just keeping your house from NOT being a pig stye. Having a clean house means the deep cleaning our house needs every month or so because we live in a dust bowl and our house looks like it was abandoned for 20 years after 2 weeks of not dusting. It's serious.

So my physical goals for this year (which are much less defined, and I'm fine with that- it means it's more likely that I'll succeed if I can define what success looks like as I get closer to the goal :) are to make a cleaning plan- chore charts of such that includes daily, weekly and monthly chores. This will happen sometime in the next 6 months before baby comes, to get us in the habit of daily cleaning. A fun way to break down the massive task of keeping our house clean (don't remind me that when a baby comes everything is a disaster all the time. One step at a time people!) This will also remind us of what needs to be done every day and when we need to schedule a whole day to deep clean our house.

Ok confession time. I still haven't found a cleaning schedule I really love that covers all the daily cleaning, weekly cleaning, and once every few months cleaning. BUT. I have gotten used to cleaning an entire house. Dishes every day- check. Cleaning up every night before bed- check. Laundry every day- check. Vacuuming and cleaning each room every couple of weeks- check. We even got a carpet cleaner for deep cleaning. So for now I'm still kind of responding to the most immediate need- which a puppy and a baby do an incredibly efficient job of creating. But I hope to continue searching for a formal cleaning schedule I can follow. 

If any of you have ideas or examples of chore charts or systems that have worked for you, I would LOVE to know! My mom had a little board with each of our faces on it with a coat hanger underneath, and then a bunch of chores laminated on little pieces of paper that would hang under our names when it was our turn for that weekly chore. I'm thinking something like that, but that I can order maybe. Because the sewing thing has already maxed out my out-of-my-comfort-zone-creative-abilities for the moment in my life. Maybe we'll work on making crafty things next year.

I also want to work out 4 times a week- as measured by at least 30 minutes of physical activity where I begin to sweat. Which is not a hard thing to do as a pregnant lady. But I'm amazed at how little I want to get off my couch and do it.

Yeah, this didn't happen. At. all. 

Next:

Mental- for most of my life, this category encompassed the never-ending educational pursuits I was involved in. But now, for me it's new areas of learning and I get really excited about the new frontiers I'm working on!

Here are the list of new projects/areas that Michael and I are planning to tackle for 2015:

• Learn how to use my sewing machine and learn how to quilt.

Totally nailed this one! Made a baby blanket, a car seat cover, and finished a quilt top (although the quilt was pink so I ended up not finishing it once we knew it was a boy...)

• Learn how to cook more delicious foods and become more proficient at cooking side dishes

Winner winner chicken dinner! I love cooking and have loved practicing and trying out new recipes this year. I'm really proud of my progress in this area. I've gone through about 6 cook books learning basics and am looking forward to trying some more new recipes and cook books this year. 

• Start a small business (Michael and I are planning on opening a small drink shack here in Duchesne- the Drink Barn!) We've both always wanted to own our own business, and the plans are in process. :)

So we totally started this business. Registered for a license with the state.  Paid for a name. Lined up the financials, began vendor contracts with the soda companies. And then I just became totally and completely overwhelmed by the requirements that the health inspector would require from us. We just wanted to set up a little shack and sell sodas with mix-ins and flavors. They wanted us to do things like have 3 sinks and running water and a bathroom. Plus we would have launched in April when I was 8 months prego and that probably would have killed me. So we nixed the idea in the early stages and before losing too much money. And ironically, another drink shop (well, coffee shop) with the exact same structure and idea went up that very same month by someone with much more money than us. So I think we kind of dodged a bullet. Because the population of Duchesne can only support so many drink shops....

• Raise chickens- we eat about 2 dozen eggs per week, so this is the first farm animal we're going to try to incorporate into our little one-day self-sufficient homestead.

We didn't get to this one this year. This is moving to our list for 2016 though. 

• Put in a sprinkler system and lawn, and plant a better garden. This one is a little...iffy since I will be large with child right about the time all of these things should be happening. I'm hoping Michael will pick up the slack here...

My husband is pretty much Superman. He did put an entire sprinkler system in our backyard so his lazy wife wouldn't have to drag a hose all around the 10,000 sq. ft yard watering the grass all day. Also did I mention that our soil is like bedrock so digging is like chipping away at concrete? But he did it all by hand. And we seeded half the yard. And grew a garden AND preserved the zucchini, carrots, corn, onions and tomatoes. 

• Prepare for a baby- i.e. research ALL the things to have a baby. This is a massive project, I've noticed. You might as well throw me a pile of 20 books, and 20 screaming ladies telling you how passionate they are about a certain brand of wipes or whether to have a home birth. This is just what I've noticed so far from online forums. There's been at least a book of opinions written about every iota that a baby could possibly need prior to birth and the moment it leaves your womb. I will try to figure out what is essential and what is less so, research the important stuff and just randomly try stuff for the less important stuff. 

Did this somehow. Except for breastfeeding. The babe showed up on the scene before I knew anything about breastfeeding, which is probably why it's taken me 6 months to realize that he has a lip tie and that's why he doesn't latch well and has such a hard time nursing. But live and learn. Hopefully the next one will be easier. 

• Have a baby- I'm really hoping I nail this one.

Totally knocked this out of the park. 

• Take care of a baby- this is still a little sketchy

And yet somehow he is still alive. :)

• Figure out life with a baby as a stay-at-home-mom- a little nervous about this too, not gonna lie.

Turns out I really LOVE being a SAHM. And I've realized you make out of it what you will. You can be a total slacker. Or you can organize and create a beautiful home and life for your family and those around you. I'm somewhere inbetween those opposites. But my resolution is to embrace all things home and domestic and be the best cook, cleaner, gardner, nurturer, zookeeper, shopper, budgeting guru, medical saavy, service-oriented, community minded woman there is. 

• Online Course Teaching for BYU-Idaho. This may be a pipe dream until 2016 due to lack of time and focus with the baby, but I'd really like to keep up my teaching and research skills by becoming a part-time professor online for some Family Science courses at BYU in the near future. 

This didn't happen. But we did finally get internet at our house, so maybe it will in the future. Still contemplating this one. 

So that's 2015 for the Brinkerhoff's! I'll be reporting progress periodically. And of course, with the massive caveat that everything could change because that little peach in the hamster ball in my belly could turn our world upside down in ways that I can't even comprehend. So, assuming that he/she cooperates with all of my well-laid plans (ha!), everything should go smoothly.