Uncommonly Generous

It's been about 2 months since my mom passed away. It was on a Monday and I think every Monday for the rest of forever I will remember that. One more reason not to like Mondays.

When your world falls apart and you're left figuring out how to put the pieces back together, the last thing on your mind is asking for help, although it's probably what you need most. All I could really think about is what I had to do to deal with the situation- the logistics, the traveling with a newborn, how to take care of her home and belongings, how to fly a body on an airplane, etc.

But without so much as an invitation, in the middle of that tragedy, there were angels. So many angels that came to the rescue. And touched my heart. I just had no idea that so many people cared for not just my mom, but for me.

In a matter of days hundreds of people donated to raise thousands of dollars to help take care of mom's funeral expenses. Most people didn't even know my mom. It was certainly not the most wealthy people we know, or our closest friends. It was surprising to watch in awe the generosity come from the most unsuspecting people.

One friend, who has never made a lot of money and is currently working for $8 something an hour at a bookstore and living with her parents donated $1000. I thought for sure she must have accidentally typed an extra zero or two. So I called her. Nope. She just loves me and really wanted to help.

Another family friend, who taught my brother in scouts years and years and years ago donated a very very large sum. We haven't seen them or their family in years, and yet, somehow they still feel not only a kindness towards us, but a stewardship to care, that extends far beyond a scout leader calling. People who never met my mom, but love me, donated money.

Meals were made. Our plants and lawn were watered. Our house was cleaned. Cards with tender sentiments. Flowers from roommates that I lived with years ago. Cards with money from the most unsuspecting people just kept coming. Donations from Michael's family, who never knew my mom and have barely gotten to know me. A package from a seminary teacher. It's been almost 20 years since I was in seminary and probably just as long since I've seen her. And she sent me a package with a baby gift and a tea cup that my mom gave her years ago. People that I hadn't talked to or seen in ages, or had a very casual relationship with donated money and wrote notes of support. People that I had just met. Hundreds of people came together to show love and support. It was just incomprehensible to me.

I can't believe the generosity and kindness of the world around me. I was and am completely overwhelmed by it. It's made me think- when was the last time I was generous or donated money to anyone? Just yesterday I got off the phone with my car insurance company yelling at them for being too expensive (the truth is I've had way too many speeding tickets. But none in the last year! I'm a reformed woman now, I swear.).

I'm the kind of person that tries to get away with giving 10-15% as a tip at restaurants - not because I'm mean-spirited but because I'm cheap and trying to save money. I won't buy anything unless it's on sale. I desperately need new clothes now that I'm the post-partum size of an elephant, but had to go to Wal-Mart's clearance racket where nothing is more than $10 to buy anything. I may have regifted once or twice for wedding and bridal shower presents and then feel proud of myself for the money I've saved after. I'd like to think of myself as frugal, but more likely I'm just stingy. I love people but I just can't imagine donating hundreds or even thousands of dollars to anyone. I'm a Scrooge apparently. But that's where my heart has changed.

I realized that for so long I have been a recipient of the goodness and generosity of mankind, but haven't been giving back the way I should. From the time I was in high school I benefited from local and other scholarships that paid my tuition almost entirely through many many many long years of school. I graduated with my undergrad without paying a single penny in tuition. And that's quite a feat considering it took me almost 6 years to graduate with my bachelor's degree. That money came from people. People that don't even know me had enough faith to donate money to my success.

I was totally overwhelmed at the wedding presents we received and subsequent baby gifts. We still haven't had to buy diapers or a single item of baby clothes!! It's been over two months!! I'm totally overwhelmed at the hours I spend on thank you notes and still have hundreds left to go.

I went out to eat with a good friend one Friday when I was feeling a little down. I was sharing with her how touched I was that so many people so willingly gave money and support and I was a little embarrassed that I had never done the same for anyone else. I told her how I wanted to be like that, and to make a legacy of generosity but I just was frugal and tight with my money by nature. She told me about her husband that was similar but was also very naturally generous. He made a priority of giving financially to others, even if they felt they weren't in a position where they had "extra" money. He was generous while also being frugal financially because giving to worthy people and causes was a priority- not a waste of money.

She told me about how they had decided as a family to provide Christmas anonymously every to some family, even if it meant they didn't get any gifts for themselves, and how several years they thought that they wouldn't be able to have their own Christmas for the shortage of resources but then things always somehow worked out. It seems like that is often the case. Those that give generously always have enough and to spare. I heard that John D Rockafeller once said "God gave me my money"- believing that he had a stewardship for his resources and that if he didn't use them wisely by giving and being charitable that they would be taken away. He saw giving as a wise investment.

I want to be like that. I want to be a giver and not just a taker. Even (and especially) if nobody knows about it.

It reminds me of a devotional address I heard at BYU by Arthur C. Brooks, "Why Giving Matters". I highly recommend reading it, it is both excellent and informative- worth your time. He details the literal financial benefits of giving- people who give actually get richer! But what I took away from this landmark talk was that giving was a habit, and it needed to be cultivated early. Generous people aren't just born. They are made over time. And right now I'm on a trajectory to be a total tight-wad. Time to change.

I read this story in the paper today. I knew Kelly. He was a favorite customer of mine at the bank here in Duchesne. When he came in he always announced himself with a loud voice and acted like he owned the place. Then with mock harshness and profanity, he would demand his services. But he always left all of us girls at the bank with a smile. And we knew how to dish it back to him too.

I didn't know that he had terminal cancer. When he passed away, he left behind a son that was soon to head to college. At our county fair, he was selling a black Angus steer that he had raised that year. Some of Kelly's friends and business associates bid on the animal at an exorbitant price so his son could use the proceeds for college. Once they won the auction, they donated the animal back to his son to be auctioned again. Again, over-inflated prices for the cow and once won, donated back to the kid. The third time the same thing happened. By the end, the cow sale had raised $20,000 for this boy's college tuition. This tough kid was in tears in the arena watching his community step forward to show love for his dad. The story brought me to tears. People loved this rough around the edges man and were pulling together to take care of his son. Angels sometimes come with rough exteriors.

One of the hard parts of mom's passing is knowing how to repay all the generosity and kindness and outpouring of love that me and my family have felt. I feel so indebted. One of the largest donations we received was from a family who, just weeks later, lost their 15 year old granddaughter in a tragic tractor accident on a family farm. The experience of Emma's family has resonated with me so deeply. The sudden loss of a family member is always so painful. But watching the outpouring of love and support for their family in my hometown in Texas has been tremendously gratifying, almost addicting.

In a matter of hours, hundreds of people donated to them raising almost $25,000. Local business hosted spirit nights and donated profits to the family of 9. The police of the city provided a free police escort for her funeral and donated their time and resources. The ward gathered school supplies for the grieving family of 6, once 7 children. People designed and sold t-shirts. Hundreds of blogger friends expressed their condolences and support for the family on her Facebook page. (Emma's mother is somewhat of a public figure- a famous extreme couponer and blogger that's been on TV often and flies around teaching couponing classes). I've wondered why I've been so affected by their story. I honestly hardly remember her from my time in Houston, and never met their daughter Emma. But I've figured it out. It's because they are getting what they deserve and it feels like it's part of me paying them back. People are paying it forward to them, just as their family has done for me and my family. And that is beautiful to watch.

I guess I don't have any way of paying back, other than saying thank you, and I'm starting to come to terms with that. But I am committed to paying it forward. Our family will be uncommonly generous from now on. We will find opportunities to give, make it a priority and invest in people. We will make a habit of being uncommonly generous.

I left one of my first 20% tips at the restaurant I went to with my friend a few weeks ago. Even as I was writing out the $10 tip, I was thinking of all the things I could buy with that, or how easy it would be to save it. And then I looked at our waitress, a young girl working late on a Friday night, and thought, "She deserves it". What better investment is there for money, after all, than people? Maybe I'll even get rich from it. ;)

Matthew 25:40 "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."