To distraction

I miss him. To distraction.

The first few days I felt empowered, and like an self respecting woman! They were the emotional resiliency and stamina of doing what's right in the moment. And I felt invincible. When he came back around on Tuesday I knew that he was anxious about the thought of me being out of his life. And that felt good. But I stood more resolved and told him no more. I had self respect and held the line!

But now it's Friday. And I miss him. to desperation. like an addiction.

I tried to console and distract myself tonight by driving around and buying things. sometimes consuming fills a void momentarily. i bought books and food and movies and consumed all night. I spent time with friends and did fun things. and yet I am left alone and empty at the end of the night, still missing him.

I wonder if there's good in all this. Or if he's even suffering at all. Or if I just suffer because I'm ridiculous and emotional and a girl.

Blah